Cui bono?

I've been thinking a lot about change. All kinds of change. Partly this has been prompted by having met a lot of old friends who say things like 'oh, you haven't changed at all' and the last time we met was years ago.

There are some things about myself I would really like to change, but the outward ones are not on the top of my list. I like to be me, "warts, farts and all" (excuse my expression :) , but there are many inner characteristics and thought patterns I would like to see changed.

It takes so much time, though, that at times I am tempted to believe that real change isn't even possible.

That's why keeping a diary is so helpful... I can track my life and it encourages me to see that in the midst of terrible turmoil, and maybe even because of it, I have actually changed in some aspects. I like to think that I'm more patient, more fearless and less demanding.

Well, maybe I'm not the best judge of that... I need mirrors in my life, people close enough to me to warn me when the change I aim at takes me to wrong directions.

Because as alluring as change might seem when one feels stagnated, the all important question is the same all good detectives ask when solving a murder, Cui bono?

I so hope that my answer to that question would not merely be

Anneli